The Neen Chronicles
by station2station
Summary: Five shameless self-insert teen OCs are compelled to embark on a quest with constantly shifting goals in a world where anything seems possible, and nothing is as it seems. As they meet the denizens of various fictional worlds, befriend some, battle some, and bang others, they learn important lessons about the reality of fiction and the power of friendship.
1. Chapter 1

It was an extraordinarily boring day in the town of Worst Bilgewater. Two in the afternoon had come and gone, meaning that high school was out and most residents between the age of twelve and eighteen were either at home or at work. Rain poured outside while a few teenagers not lucky enough to have cars of their own or timely ride providers took shelter in the local library.

"Which anime should I watch when I get home?" questioned a petite bespectacled girl, resting her elbows on the square table.

"Oh my god Julai, research papers are due in like three days," whined a girl with prominent freckles and mostly-grown-out layered brown hair. She barely looked up from her skype conversation to answer. "Are you seriously thinking about anime right now?"

"Shut up Ivy," responded another teenager with short two-toned hair. "I'm sick of hearing about those. There's no way you're convincing me to take that class."

"It's not that hard, Beck," replied the tall majestic-haired guy sitting across from her. "And Julai, you should definitely finish SNK."

The long-haired, stripey-shirted girl sitting at the corner tapped the table for attention. "I'm drawing all of you as pokemon trainers, what types do you want to train?"

"Make me psychic type, Thira," enthused Beck.

"You guys need to keep it down," insisted the blonde librarian, who was less than six feet away. "Sorry Neenette", said Beck.

"What about you Julai?" asked Thira. There was no response from Julai, who had opened her trusty laptop and donned her headphones to start watching SNK. She shrugged and turned to the guy. "Do you wanna train dark type, Leo?"

"Sure," he replied, momentarily looking distracted by something behind her.

"Guys, what do you think of my new fursona?" asked Beck, pulling out a sketchbook. While everyone that wasn't glued to a screen leaned in to look, Julai shoved off her headphones and rolled her eyes. "Ugh, Ms. Ermine just emailed me back. Turns out our compositions have to be sixteen measures long for chorus."

"What'd she say about band?" asked Ivy. "More importantly, did she use emojis?" She locked her phone and craned her neck to see Julai's screen.

"Guys? Do you see that guy over there?" asked Leo.

Beck snorted. "Oh my god Leo, there are no cute guys in Worst Bilgewater."

"No shut up, hey Neenette, has anyone… unusual come in here today?"

"No, I'm the only weirdo in here… except possibly you guys," she replied, nodding towards Beck's page of dubiously clothed anthromorphic creatures.

Ivy looked up from Julai's screen. "She said the David Bowie medley was okay, and she used the winky face, she's not really mad… oh my god I think my eyes are malfunctioning?" She was looking in the same direction as Leo.

"A lot more than your eyes," giggled Thira.

"I'm gonna go check it out," announced Ivy.

"No you're not. You're chicken," replied Julai, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, you're right," sighed Ivy, picking up her phone again.

Beck gave her a look. "Why do you always say you're gonna do these things and then not do them?"

"Okay Beck, that was like twice, and you know what? I'm gonna do this, right now."

Ivy tossed her phone onto the table and walked off towards the stranger. The four other friends craned their necks to watch as she disappeared into the aisle he had entered.

After a minute, Thira returned to her drawing, finishing her sketch of Leo and starting a Murkrow perched on his shoulder. Julai put her headphones back in, and Beck pulled out a chemistry packet.

"Okay, there is no way Ivy could carry on a conversation this long with a stranger," said Leo. "I'm gonna go see what's up."

"Wait up, I'm coming with you," said Beck.

"Come on, Julai," said Thira, tugging at her shoulder. Julai groaned, but closed her laptop and shoved it into her backpack. Thira grabbed Ivy's backpack and her own, then skipped over to follow Leo and Beck.

"Leaving already?" asked Neenette.

"Nah, just checking something out. You'll see us again in a minute," replied Beck.

"Yeah, you can't get rid of us," added Thira.

When they reached the aisle, Ivy was nowhere to be found. Neither, for that matter, was the stranger.

"Let's see if they're out at the other side," suggested Leo. They kept walking. And walking. And walking.

"Okay. We are literally going nowhere," said Beck.

They stopped. It was true. The end of the aisle was exactly as far away as it had been before.

"I'm done," said Julai, turning around. She then promptly passed out.

"Whoa there." Leo caught her.

Beck and Thira turned as well.

"Who the Hades are you?" asked Thira.

"Hades is not an uneducated guess, but Daedalus would be closer," replied the man who had apparently caused Julai's loss of consciousness.

"Bring our friend back," insisted Beck.

The man chuckled coldly, shaking out his animesque blonde hair. Thira sneezed at the shower of glitter this created, and the man took a step back. "Now, what fun would that be?"

"It would be fun. It would be much better than keeping her!" said Thira.

The man smirked. "You've got a mouth."

"You've got a bulge," muttered Beck, gazing at his weirdly stylish tights. Leo shoved her with the elbow that wasn't supporting Julai.

"A motley crew… Normally I'd only accept the person who wished her away, but I can't resist the sheer entertainment value of watching you try together. Fail together, I should say."

"Aren't you going to tell us what's going on?" demanded Beck. "You can't just take Ivy, stand there and smirk at us, and not even tell us what's going on. It's not fair!"

Anger flashed across the man's face. "I've heard that one too many times. It bores me. Go on, now. Entertain me." He waved a hand, and the three conscious friends screamed as the floor dissolved and they fell through.


	2. Chapter 2

They fell for an inordinate amount of time. After about ten seconds of free-fall, they stopped panicking so much as they got used to their situation (or about as used as you can get to skydiving with no parachute). Eventually, Beck was able to grab on to Leo (who was still holding on to Julai), and Thira to Beck.

"This is a bonding experience," remarked Thira.

"Can you stop? We're literally going to die," replied Beck.

"I think we're slowing down," interjected Leo.

They were. Their blurred, indiscriminate surroundings were beginning to take shape: clouds, glitter, random flying shapes that might have been birds or humans. As their deceleration increased, Leo managed to identify some of these shapes- an owl, a girl with strange jetpacks strapped to her legs, a green woman riding a broom.

"That guy slipped us acid," he concluded.

They slipped into the dark- a vertical tunnel, or a cave, maybe?. The ground was nearing now. They were still unaccountably slowing down, but not nearly enough. Leo closed his eyes, and Thira started to cry. "I love you guys so much. I can't believe this. Oh my god. We're going to die."

Fortunately, the glittering goblin king hadn't left the four friends to land on their own. He'd made sure they had some helping hands to assist them.

"We're helping hands," bellowed the thousands of hands surrounding them.

"Wha-aaAAGH?" yelled Leo as several pairs of them seized his torso. Beck froze as they closed on their arms, and Thira started struggling against them.

"This is the thanks we get," sighed a cluster of hands that were forming a mustachioed face.

Another cluster formed a face with a long beard. "Which way? Up or down?"

Beck looked from Leo to Thira. "Should we go down, since we're pointed that way already?"

Thira momentarily stopped struggling to shake her head. "I'm not going down there. These guys are creepy. I don't wanna get stuck with them."

"Up, then," said Leo.

The hands passed them up, hand over hand as it were. After a minute or so, the pinpoint of light at the top of the tunnel became a wide circle, and soon they were passed up over the edge to the ground outside.

"I never want to touch a rubber glove again," said Beck, cringing.

They lay on the ground where the hands had deposited them, too drained and bewildered to even think about what to do yet. They were in a small, rectangular courtyard. The well of hands was set against one wall, with two doors set in it. That looked like a nasty surprise for anyone going through the doors from the other side. The other walls were hedges. Two of the hedges had gates, presumably leading to paths out of the place.

They couldn't sit still for very long. "We need to get out of here," said Leo.

"Yeah, but which path?" asked Thira.

Beck sat up and shrugged. "I can go check out one path, Leo can take the other, you can stay with Julai, and then we'll decide which one looks like the way out?"

"DUMBASS!" Julai's sudden outburst made everyone jump. "We can't split up, that's literally the worst thing we could do. Didn't Ivy make you guys watch that dumb movie? There's no way we'd find each other again."

"Okay, master of the labyrinth, what are we supposed to do then?" asked Leo.

"Well, now that you're awake, we can pick a gate and go with it," said Beck.

"What if it's not the gate, though?" asked Thira.

"What are we gonna do, climb the hedges?" Beck gave an exasperated eye roll.

"No, the way to Ivy is right through there." Thira pointed at the very solid-looking hedge.

"Wouldn't she be in the castle though?" asked Julai.

"Nah man, she's right through there, can't you see her?"

"No Thira, I can't see through the hedge. I'm taking one of the paths," insisted Beck.

"Okay, I'll bring her to you once I find her," said Thira, shrugging. She got up to go through the hedge. Julai threw up her hands and followed her. They disappeared easily.

"So we're splitting up now?" asked Leo.

"It'll be fine. We'll meet up at the castle. Let's pick a path," replied Beck.

* * *

As it turned out, Ivy was sitting on the other side of the hedge, looking bored out of her mind. "This is nowhere near as fun as I would've imagined it. I got out of the castle through a window onto another roof- It's like he wanted me to escape, it shouldn't have been that easy. He must've enjoyed watching me feel all the walls to get through them. I mean, thanks for showing up, though. I didn't expect both of you to come in here, normally he only takes the person who got wished away and the person who wished them, or I would've stayed put to make it easier."

"Uh… Well actually, we're not the only ones. Leo and Beck are here too," said Thira.

"Here like… Oh god you guys split up?"

"Okay, you decided to talk to that creepy dude in the first place, so we're all in here, and yeah, we have to go find them, but Thira can see through walls or something, so let's find them now and get out of here." Julai turned to go back through the hedge.

"Wait," said Thira.

"What for?"

"You can't get through there anymore. It's a wall now. We have to go that way." Thira pointed to the hedge behind Ivy.

"Okay, so we're stuck in here?" asked Julai.

"It would appear so," said the hedge.

"Okay, the fucking hedge is talking to us?" asked Julai.

The hedge wavered and sprouted an amoebalike blob that slowly formed itself into a human. Well, not exactly a human.

"I'd think you of all people would have known enough not to let your little friends split up, Julai, said the Goblin King.

"I can find them. We're not idiots," replied Thira.

"Your confidence is as impressive as it is misplaced. Why are you cowering, Ivy? I'm not here to bring you back to the castle. If that was my intention, I wouldn't have left the window unbarred."

"Why are you here?" asked Julai.

"I've brought you an offer. If you wish, you can return home immediately."

"And the catch is we'd leave Beck and Leo here?" piped up Ivy.

"That goes without saying. There's your choice, take it or leave it."

Thira laughed in his face. "We're not leaving our friends!"

The King shrugged. "You've sealed your fates."

Everything went dark.

* * *

Beck and Leo wandered along the pathway towards the distant silhouette of the castle.

"I can't believe this," muttered Leo as they passed a blue triangle illuminated on the stone wall. "We shouldn't have split up."

"Do you want to turn around?" asked Beck. "We could probably still catch up to them."

"Nah, look, the castle's getting closer. We might as well find Ivy first."

Beck sighed. "I can't help but wonder which one of us wished her away."

"I honestly don't think any of us did. Do you seriously believe a word that guy says? He's trying to divide us for his own entertainment."

"I hope so. I really thought those were the rules, though."

"He makes his own rules. Look, let's stop talking about this, okay? We don't need to argue now."

Before Beck could reply, a distant snatch of a melody reached them.

_I'll paint you mornings of gold, I'll spin you valentine evenings- _

"Okay, you hear that, right?" asked Beck.

"Yeah."

It was coming from the direction of the castle. Without meaning to, they picked up speed.

_As the pain sweeps through, makes no sense for you, every thrill is gone-_

"Okay, I thought there couldn't possibly be anything creepier than being practically alone in here, but I was wrong," said Beck.

They kept walking. The sad, plaintive song increased in volume until they could hear every word fairly clearly. The singer- it was pretty obviously a female now- started a new song.

_Hands touch, eyes meet. Sudden silence, sudden heat-_

"No fucking way," said Beck.

"What, do you know that song?" asked Leo.

"It's Wicked. Oh my god. Beck started jogging, then stopped abruptly a few hundred feet away. Leo sprinted to catch up with her.

There was a doorway in the wall leading to a round courtyard. In the center, there was crumbling water well.

"Should we make a wish?" muttered Leo.

The singing stopped. "Hello?" called a voice from the well.

Leo and Beck looked at each other. "Hello?" Beck called cautiously.

"Yes! Hello! Thank the Unnamed God!" echoed the voice from the well. "Please, get me out of here!"

Leo ran over to the well and peered down it. "I can't see you. How deep is that thing?"

"There should be a crank. Turn it if you please," implored the voice. "Quickly. I'm running out of energy."

Leo and Beck found a rusted crank that looked like it hadn't moved in decades. With a lot of profanity, they managed to shove it in a circular motion until they could see an ominous shape rising when they looked into the well. When it reached the top, it turned out to be a green woman clinging to the rope.

"No fucking way," Beck said again. "_Elphaba?"_


	3. Chapter 3

The green woman collapsed to the ground as soon as they'd pulled her out of the well. "My biceps are about to dissolve in lactic acid," she announced. "If only i'd had that Ozdamned broom, I would've been all set, but no, that glittering King of the Pansies knew it wasn't just any broom and he took it. Sorry, manners were never my strong point. You seem to know who I am already, so I'll spare you that half of the introduction. Who are you?

"Uh, I'm Beck, and this is Leo."

"Hmm. Are you Gillikinese? You look Gillikinese. Sorry. It's none of my business, I know, but I haven't had anyone to talk to for such a long time."

"No, we're... not from Oz."

"The land beyond the deserts is real, then? The Wizard didn't invent that? Fascinating!" She sat up and pulled off her black stocking cap, letting a thick coil of blue-black hair fall down her back. There wasn't a speck of grey in it, though she looked like she could be of an age to be greying. Or maybe not, it was hard to judge her features.

"Well, we're not from here either, we were taken by the king. How did you get here?" asked Leo.

She furrowed her brow. "I… I can't quite remember… I was at home, Kiamo Ko… I was with Nanny, I think… Someone came into my house unbidden… There was a fire. I was in terrible pain." She looked down at her hands, then up at Leo. "Am I dead? Great Oz, is this the afterlife?"

Beck gave a hollow laugh. "I hope not. I'm pretty sure I'm not dead, at least. Leo and I were alive when we came here."

"Well that's something at least. It would be a terrible drag to be dead and spend eternity here, though I suppose I haven't seen much of this place, just this courtyard and the bottom of that well, which was entirely my fault. When the pansy king brought me here, he told me to wait in this courtyard for someone, but I didn't trust that this someone would be helpful to me, and when I heard footsteps approaching I got in the well and tried to brace myself against the walls. Of course I fell down, and I was so close to the water-water burns me terribly, you see"-she paused to catch her breath-"I was about to give in and hope this really was the afterlife, so perhaps the water wouldn't really burn."

"Good thing you didn't have to find out the hard way," said Leo. "Do you have any idea who might have wished you away?"

"Wished me away?"

"The King didn't explain it to you? The way you end up here is if someone wishes you away, usually at least. Then they get the chance to come find you and bring you home if they've changed their mind, which most people would. Otherwise you're stuck here forever," explained Beck.

Elphaba rested her chin on her knees. "I'm not sure, honestly. I can't remember who I spoke to last, or who I'd had a dispute with-ever, really. I don't know at all." For a moment her expression clouded and she looked devastated, then she regained her composure and stood. "So are you two wishers or wishees?"

"Neither," replied Leo. "The king doesn't even follow his own rules. Our friend got wished away, but not by either of us. He brought us in anyway, for his own entertainment."

"A power play," Elphaba said distastefully.

"Pretty much," said Beck. "Do you want to come with us to look for our friend?"

Elphaba shrugged. "I'd rather be on the move and with company than alone and stationary. Besides, you can ask me questions while we travel, and perhaps you'll jog my memory."

"Next stop, the asshole king's castle," said Leo. The three of them started down the path towards the castle and the sinking sun.

BREAK

Ivy woke in a very uncomfortable position with a rock under her head like a pillow.

She sat up, rubbing her neck. "Okay. Don't panic," she said out loud. She was in a cave. Okay. That was okay. She could see the entrance of it, and what looked like a garden outside.

"I wasn't planning on panicking, unless you meant at the disco," someone replied in a snarky tone.

The redheaded girl who had spoken was sitting on a cushion in the corner of the cave, looking into a crystal ball.

Ivy didn't know what to say.

"You don't know what to say, do you?" said the girl.

"Uh, hi. I'm Ivy and I guess the goblin king sent me-"

"Oh, I know who you are. I'm Rachel Elizabeth Dare. Pleased to meet you."

BREAK

Julai was very cold.

She didn't open her eyes. Maybe if she didn't open her eyes, she would fall back asleep, then wake up and realize this was all a dream. Wasn't that how things usually went?

She managed to fall asleep again, but even in her dreams she was cold.

BREAK

Thira opened her eyes and sat up abruptly. She'd had such a terrifying dream.

It was very dark; She couldn't see much more with her eyes open than she had closed. she wished she could see.

Before she could start to panic, she saw a glow in the air above her. It grew to the size of a basketball, like a lens flare brought to dimension.

The glow illuminated her surroundings enough for it to become apparent that she was in a spherical room. She lay in the center of the floor, covered by a thick blanket the goblin king had been thoughtful enough to provide.

There were no doors, she abruptly realized. She was trapped in here.

She took deep breaths, trying to calm down. She wanted a drink of water quite badly.

She noticed a bottle of water next to her. Had that been there before? Either way she was grateful.

She took slow sips of the water and tried to calm down. She wanted something to hold on to, to distract her.

_Meow. _What was that? She looked over to see an orange tabby cat sitting next to her. She smiled and scooped it into her arms. "Hello, cat. You look just like Tiger!"

She sat holding the cat for a moment, and realized she should try to see where her friends were. She did the trick with her eyes that would normally allow her to see the most direct path to them.

Nothing happened.

She was alone.

BREAK

In a tiny room elsewhere, a woman who wouldn't be unfamiliar to any of the five friends sat at a desktop computer checking emails. She was momentarily distracted by a scratching at the closed door. "Come in," she called.

No one answered. The scratching resumed.

"Yes? Come in?"

It grew louder.

"If that's you, Leif, cut the crap and open the door."

No reply.

Rolling her eyes, she got up and opened it herself.

A furry, blurry shape flew at her. "What the hell?" she jumped out of the way and slammed the door shut on reflex. Her cup of coffee toppled over onto the computer keyboard. Cursing, she managed to find the thing that had sprung at her.

It was a white weasel.

"Alright, whose foolish idea of a joke is this?" she snarled. She shoved the door open with a bang, and shrieked as another weasel jumped at her. And another. And another. She tried to close the door, but the oncoming tide of weasels wouldn't allow it. She turned to the window as a possible escape route. She tried to shove it open, but it wouldn't budge. Panicking now, she saw a glowing blue triangle on the wall. Wondering now if she was hallucinating this entire experience, she reached out and touched it, and promptly disappeared into a crevasse that hadn't been there before.


End file.
